weddings.

last summer, my brother got married to a girl he'd been dating for about 6 years.
i've never been SUPER close to my brother, but i was still very emotional at his wedding.
well, this weekend my sister was married, and i was the maid of honor.
i was very surprised at how i wasn't much more emotional at her wedding, even though i've always been really close to her.
well, i guess i was just still in denial that she was getting married.
it didn't hit me until today in spanish class that things were going to be different, and i'd most likely have to work very hard at keeping my relationship with her the same as it is now.
i got in an argument with my teacher because i had fallen asleep in class,
and as soon as the teacher pulled me into the hallway to talk to me, i started crying.
she ended up sending me home early cause it's my last period of the day,
but man oh man.

iiiii miss her,
and she's only been on her honeymoon for 2 days.
dangit.

hahahah.

today this guy backed into me in the lincoln high parking lot,
right after he let out one of my friends.
later on in my spanish class, i was telling one of my friends what had happened, cause i was still pretty rattled by it.
my friend who had gotten out of the guys car got alllll pissed.
this is what happened:
her: it's not even a big deal
me: umm it sort of is. he might've busted my front light.
her: wow, i think you're just making it bigger than it is.
me: why are you being so freaking rude right now?
her: why are you being such a BITCH right now?
me: wow, chill the frick out
and then this girl got in the middle of us,
right when i was about to get alllll sorts of pissed.


hahahah i had such a head ache after that.
wow.

well thats it.

sup brah

i'm not going to prom i don't think.
i definitely won't regret not going.
i WILL most definitely miss my beeaaauuutiful prom dress.

my sisters getting married the day of prom,
and i'm the maid of honor.
i really don't want to change out of my bridesmaids dress into my prom dress,
and drive alone to prom lol.
i feel like that would be really lame,
and would be just a dumb thing to do.

so i'm just going to enjoy the reception,
rather than leaving it early for lame prom.

may perhaps go to postprom.
still unsure on that one though.

WHATEVER.

freakin me out.

hmmmmm....

can't let go.

i had my first "real" boyfriend the summer before i started highschool.
we dated from may until the next january.
we loved each other.
we were so weird together, and i've never felt so comfortable with any other guy.
we were a great couple.
we broke up because we started fighting a lot.
i think it was mainly my fault.
i'm a pretty jealous person.

i thought it was normal that i still had feelings for him for awhile after we broke up.
the next school year though, i still missed him a lot.
we tried talking about being friends,
but we would always end up fighting, so that didn't work.
i didn't understand how people that used to be SO CLOSE, could end up so far away from each other.

i remembered that when we broke up, he said that we wanted to try things again junior or senior year.
well, it was junior year.
and i still wasn't over him.
i still thought about him a lot.
i still got really jealous when i saw him with another girl.
in fact, during prom i went to the bathroom crying because he was dancing with a bunch of girls.
i don't even know why i was crying.
maybe because i could have never imagined him being so outgoing with another girl, than me.
the summer leading up to senior year, i didn't think about him much.

but then i saw him in the hallways, and it was just... weird.
i see all these friends that he has, and it doesn't seem possible.
he used to be so distant from people.
today i was told that he has a date to prom...
that hurt me.
i don't know what is wrong with me, but it just hurt.
i can't expect us to be together.
things wouldn't be the same at all,
and we're both totally different people than before.
it wouldn't be possible at all.
so why do i want to be with him so bad?
or why do i even care if he talks to other girls?

i've had lots and lots of relationships since then, but none of them have been the same.
he doesn't date the girls that he hangs out with or whatever.
he hasn't even kissed anyone other than me...
so what am i so worried about?



DANGIT.
sweet obsession. this is ridiculous.

story of my life

times like these.

there are times where small things stress me out to a maximum level.

i remember in middle school, i got a heavy migraine because i didn't have a pencil.
i had a pencil case, but it was full of pens and mechanical pencils that had no lead.
it caused me such an amount of stress.
there was also a lot of things going on in my life,
which i guess made the pencil situation seem a whole lot more of a deal than what it was.

currently, i'm very stressed about clothing.
after school, i work nearly everyday.
i change from my school clothes, to my work uniform in my car.
all of the clothes that i've worn that past few months on days that i've had to work,
are currently in the trunk of my car.
for some reason,
i feel like they should stay there, just in case i decide to go do something after work.
all of these clothes building up in my car, are causing the amount of clothes in my room to go way down.
of course, the clothes in my car are warmer clothes because i wore them during winter.
if it were to be summer right now, i'd have plenty of clothes left in my room.
sooo...
either the weather will have to get better,
or i'll have to get over the fact that i need to eventually get rid of the clothes in my car.






*hmph*


this is not my car >>>
but it might as well be

sssup

my sisters wedding is in less than 3 weeks.
that bachelorette party is in 2 =]]]
the bridesmaids are getting a hotel room. intense.
freaking excited.

i've realized that i frequently go for guys who are really inexperienced with girls, or are just socially awkward.
maybe its because of the lack of expectations there will be in the relationship.
hmm.
ponder THAT!

i'm only writing right now cause some kid said that i don't do it enough.
WHUTEVZ.

fancy ketchup?
whut?
fancy greenbeans?
i don't understand why they're called fancy.
i really don't.
what the heck is goin on.

happy feeling.

it feels like summertime to me.
maybe thats because i haven't been outside yet.

spending the morning with my mom and sister,
eating brownie mix with spoons,
watching full house.

it's bright out.
doesn't look windy.
it looks like summer.
i'm holed up in the house,
dreaming that it's summer.
am i proving that ignorance is bliss?

i went to omaha to spend the day with my mother yesterday.
we went to a couple malls and just like walked around.
it was chilly, and it was an outdoor mall. sweet.
got some sandals. prom shoes. new shorts.

tonight i'm going to a friends house to rollerblade and eat pizza.
YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS.

why does long john silvers have low calorie meals?
they can't possibly taste good.
or at least they can't possibly taste as good as there friend chicken and fish.
yyuuuummmyyy =]

alright,
i'm gonna continue the current law and order marathon i'm having.


g'day.

beginning of spring break.

spent the night at my friends house.
didn't get to sleep until about 4:30 or so,
and even after that i hardly slept.
stayed in her bed til about 1.

at least i got the recommended 8 hours of sleep, right?

left her house around 1:30,
came home,
ate,
laid around until i had to get ready for work.

i had to work in the deli tonight.

i'm pretty ridiculously tired of working back there.
there's this one cook that's sometimes in charge,
and he's a total jerrrk!

if i mess up, he'll correct it in a total sarcastic, jerky way.
i definitely don't like him.
but whatever.

i've been getting kind of nervous, because the people at the lifeguard place haven't called me back.
i called to see if they have received my application,
and the lady wasn't available =/
makes me slightly worried.

well anyways,
i'm just watching some sex & the city,
and talking to some friends online.
what a night =]


tomorrow i'll be going to omahaaa for shopping.
k bye.




weirrrd...