weddings.

last summer, my brother got married to a girl he'd been dating for about 6 years.
i've never been SUPER close to my brother, but i was still very emotional at his wedding.
well, this weekend my sister was married, and i was the maid of honor.
i was very surprised at how i wasn't much more emotional at her wedding, even though i've always been really close to her.
well, i guess i was just still in denial that she was getting married.
it didn't hit me until today in spanish class that things were going to be different, and i'd most likely have to work very hard at keeping my relationship with her the same as it is now.
i got in an argument with my teacher because i had fallen asleep in class,
and as soon as the teacher pulled me into the hallway to talk to me, i started crying.
she ended up sending me home early cause it's my last period of the day,
but man oh man.

iiiii miss her,
and she's only been on her honeymoon for 2 days.
dangit.

hahahah.

today this guy backed into me in the lincoln high parking lot,
right after he let out one of my friends.
later on in my spanish class, i was telling one of my friends what had happened, cause i was still pretty rattled by it.
my friend who had gotten out of the guys car got alllll pissed.
this is what happened:
her: it's not even a big deal
me: umm it sort of is. he might've busted my front light.
her: wow, i think you're just making it bigger than it is.
me: why are you being so freaking rude right now?
her: why are you being such a BITCH right now?
me: wow, chill the frick out
and then this girl got in the middle of us,
right when i was about to get alllll sorts of pissed.


hahahah i had such a head ache after that.
wow.

well thats it.

sup brah

i'm not going to prom i don't think.
i definitely won't regret not going.
i WILL most definitely miss my beeaaauuutiful prom dress.

my sisters getting married the day of prom,
and i'm the maid of honor.
i really don't want to change out of my bridesmaids dress into my prom dress,
and drive alone to prom lol.
i feel like that would be really lame,
and would be just a dumb thing to do.

so i'm just going to enjoy the reception,
rather than leaving it early for lame prom.

may perhaps go to postprom.
still unsure on that one though.

WHATEVER.

freakin me out.

hmmmmm....

can't let go.

i had my first "real" boyfriend the summer before i started highschool.
we dated from may until the next january.
we loved each other.
we were so weird together, and i've never felt so comfortable with any other guy.
we were a great couple.
we broke up because we started fighting a lot.
i think it was mainly my fault.
i'm a pretty jealous person.

i thought it was normal that i still had feelings for him for awhile after we broke up.
the next school year though, i still missed him a lot.
we tried talking about being friends,
but we would always end up fighting, so that didn't work.
i didn't understand how people that used to be SO CLOSE, could end up so far away from each other.

i remembered that when we broke up, he said that we wanted to try things again junior or senior year.
well, it was junior year.
and i still wasn't over him.
i still thought about him a lot.
i still got really jealous when i saw him with another girl.
in fact, during prom i went to the bathroom crying because he was dancing with a bunch of girls.
i don't even know why i was crying.
maybe because i could have never imagined him being so outgoing with another girl, than me.
the summer leading up to senior year, i didn't think about him much.

but then i saw him in the hallways, and it was just... weird.
i see all these friends that he has, and it doesn't seem possible.
he used to be so distant from people.
today i was told that he has a date to prom...
that hurt me.
i don't know what is wrong with me, but it just hurt.
i can't expect us to be together.
things wouldn't be the same at all,
and we're both totally different people than before.
it wouldn't be possible at all.
so why do i want to be with him so bad?
or why do i even care if he talks to other girls?

i've had lots and lots of relationships since then, but none of them have been the same.
he doesn't date the girls that he hangs out with or whatever.
he hasn't even kissed anyone other than me...
so what am i so worried about?



DANGIT.
sweet obsession. this is ridiculous.