this situation is hurting my heart.
you say that you'll always be here for me.
where are you now, when i need you most?

maybe what i'm feeling most is shame.

maybe it's anger.

maybe it's sadness.

maybe it's embarrassment.

it's situations like these that make me wish that i had an easier time when it comes to identifying why i feel a certain way.

or what i'm feeling.

i want to hurt you the way you've hurt me.

i want to show you that you aren't the only one who can hurt me.

i can hurt myself too.

so many negative thoughts of self deprecation,

only so that i can pay you back for what you've done.

you are not worth any more pain.

you were not worth the initial pain.

don't get off in thinking that you had so much control over me

that you broke me down to this.

didn't you know that i was already broken?

you have only deepened the wound.

you weren't ready for a relationship, you said.

the truth: you didn't want me.

you wanted someone else.

so why did you do this to me?

why did you take everything i had?

why did you use me and tear me down to this breaking point?

i try to convince myself that you aren't worth it..

all that i remember about you is the future i saw with us.

how have i already moved on to another girl?

why would i invest my emotions into yet another person who only thinks with their penis?

i should be focusing on myself,

yet i'm already moving in the vicious circle of rebounds that i've been caught up in for so long.

i need to stop.

change.

renew.

give up.